Perfectly Imperfect Mom

I am sure by now everyone has heard of the horrific tragedies coming out of Orlando. From the Christina Grimmie shooting, Pulse terrorist attack and now the 2-year-old who was pulled into the Seven Seas Lagoon at Disney's Grand Floridian Resort. My heart hurts so much for these families that have lost their loved ones. I can not even imagine the magnitude of their pain. To know your loved one died in such a horrible way must add more salt to the wound.
So much of the Pulse and 2-year-old deaths have hit way too close to home. Having two 2-year-olds I just think what if that were one of my children, what if I had to witness that? I was talking to Branden about it while holding Everly and I just wanted to hold her and cry. I want to tell that mother and father to not blame themselves because I am sure that is exactly what they are doing right now. I am sure they are filled with what ifs and what could I have done to prevent this. The truth is we all do simple things that we don't realize have a larger impact until they happen.

The Pulse shooting just terrifies me in general. After I heard about this I just kept thinking about my students who are going up to Orlando for college and wondering were any of them in there? Had they left yet for school? I was so sick over it. I still am. I went to the movies last night and had so much anxiety over something happening. It sucks living with that fear because of the terrorist who now sit and wait to hurt our people. Who hate us so much they are willing to sacrifice their own lives to get rid of as many of us as they can.
I don't want this post to be all about how horrific this world is becoming because I truly believe there is a lot of good as well. I see my children's beautiful faces and it makes life seem perfect. There are people out there supporting the LGBTQ community and our country. The amount of people who were waiting hours to donate blood was amazing. So hold your loved ones tighter, be kind to those around you and remember what is important in this life.
facebook ♥ instagram ♥ twitter ♥ pinterest ♥ bloglovin

June 15, 2016 No comments

It's official I am on Summer nation with my kiddies till August 19th! We have so much fun stuff planned from dollar movies to vacations with friends. I can not wait to sleep in (7am, is sleeping in, right?), hang by the pool, celebrate a ton of birthdays and just enjoy my time with my little family.

I've been loading up on little Summer activities for the kids throughout the past couple of months. If I saw a craft on sale I bought it, a fun float or outdoor activity it was coming home with me. I want to make sure the kids aren't sitting around watching tv or bored while I am home with them. We are going to really enjoy this Summer.

Ace will be starting Summer camp Monday so I am really excited for that. He gets to go on field trips and the water park. He is such a big kid, I can't even handle it. The girls will go a couple weeks to their new preschool but only for 2 days a week starting out. This will be crazy for me because those two days if Ace is in camp I will have those days to myself! I can't even remember the last time I had two days during the week at home to myself. Oddly I am just excited to be able to get things organized without having to make sure my kids aren't killing each other or getting into something, ha!

Oh Summer, how I love you! With that said I am going to miss my job but the little break just means it will be there in August for me. I am actually really excited to go back and start my second year as an Advisor. I have learned a lot, made some mistakes, challenged myself and I feel like next year is going to be a lot smoother. Not to say this year wasn't because I had an awesome support system in guidance to help me along but there was a couple times where certain things needed to be done sooner to get to more students or I realized from other Advisors there may have been a better way to do something. Just an incredible learning process.

I will hopefully be blogging a lot more now that I have more time on my hands. I really want to do some posts about what the kids are up to and some of our past and upcoming trips.

With all of that said I hope everyone enjoys their Summer!
facebook ♥ instagram ♥ twitter ♥ pinterest ♥ bloglovin

June 09, 2016 No comments

May 31, 2016 No comments

If you are new here and want to start from the beginning of The Story of Our Girls go HERE.

When Ashlyn's due date was a week away we planned to fly out to California. We knew this was our best shot at getting to be at her birth. I was super stressed before leaving because I had never left Ace longer than a weekend and we really only left him with my cousins or sister. Branden's Mom was kind enough to come down to stay with Ace so he could be in his own home and we would have someone to take care of the dogs. We also didn't know how long we would be in California so this just made the most sense.

By this time things were getting tense, our daughters bio Mom had an awful OBGYN and the day before we were to fly out she basically told her she somehow wasn't as dilated or effaced as she was the week before. We both were upset. I felt horrible for her because this doctor was so disrespectful to her because she was placing Ashlyn for adoption. After we talked I had a meltdown. I was worried about being in California for weeks and being away from Ace, I was worried about whether we should stay home and change our flight and chance missing Ashlyn's birth or just go and possibly be waiting another week or two in California for Ashlyn to get here. No answer really felt right. I called my friend Christel in tears. She basically suggested just going to California because chances are the baby would come within the week. Branden also wanted to just go because changing our flights could end up being a bigger hassle and we may miss Ashlyn's birth. This was also difficult because I was pregnant and extra hormonal so it wasn't like I could even be logical about it all. Looking back Ace was going to be fine here with his Grammy and we would have been fine spending some extra time just us in California. That is probably my one regret was not being able to fully enjoy the week before Ashlyn was born because I was so stressed. We flew into California on October 11th. We met up with Ashlyn's bio Mom and had lunch. We both were so excited to see each other. We talked about the kids and how she was feeling and how I was feeling. We also went over to her house and hung out and looked at pictures of her when she was a baby. After awhile we went back to our hotel and passed out. The time change made it really hard to adjust. I honestly don't really remember much about what we did that weekend. I know we were too freaked out to go to Disneyland in case Ashlyn decided to make an appearance. We did drive around the PCH but really that weekend was a blur for me. Tuesday was an OBGYN visit and the new Doctor was amazing. He schedule an induction date (something the other doctor would not even consider). He didn't think she would make it to the induction date which was the following Monday I think but we had it in there as a just in case. He understood the situation and was very sweet. This man was the right doctor for our daughters first Mommy.

Another one of our friends came into town to be with all of us during Ashlyn's birth but mostly for Ashlyn's bio Mom, knowing this was going to be a very difficult event. We all spent time together and then Thursday we met up for lunch. Branden and I were supposed to go view the hospital after lunch so they went to the store and walking to try to coax Ashlyn out.

Later that night I was feeling very overwhelmed. I missed Ace so much and I didn't think Ashlyn was ever coming. Branden and I went to a pier and walked around and he tried to keep my mind off the stress. I ended up breaking down and crying that night over everything. I barely slept. Then early in the morning, maybe 5am I get the call! Ashlyn is on her way. I jump out of bed and start getting ready really quickly and wake Branden up. We probably didn't need to be up and out of there so early but I felt like I needed to be there. Like it was wrong for us to just stay at the hotel and wait for there to be any progress. Now looking back I wonder if it would have been better for us to have given Ashlyn's bio Mom some more time to just get in the hospital and have some alone time.

We grabbed some breakfast let family know and got to the hospital bright and early. Ashlyn's bio Mom was in labor and delivery and we all basically just hung out for the day for Ashlyn to make her arrival. Branden and I decided to grab lunch at one point thinking it would still be a few more hours. Of course right before we finished lunch I got a text saying she was at 10cm but to not rush. I didn't even read the second part and bolted out of the cafeteria and text them we were coming. Then I read the whole thing and they said not to rush they still needed to get the room ready. After they were all ready for Ashlyn's bio Mom to push I started having a minor panic attack. My mind was racing. I wanted to make sure I got video and pictures of the moment Ashlyn is laid on her first Mommy's tummy and them together. That's all I could think about. I needed that for Ashlyn and for her First Mommy. The person who is giving me this amazing child. After pushing for a bit the doctor said Ashlyn was sunny side up and had to turn her. He did that and she came right out. I will never forget seeing her little face for the first time. She had the chubbiest little cheeks and seriously the cutest face. She was the most perfect little newborn.

I still can not explain those feelings from that day. My heart could have exploded but also broke into a million pieces all at once. It was the definition of bitter sweet. To watch my friend hand her daughter to me and call me her Mommy still to this day makes me feel like the most honored person in the world. For her to trust me with this person she loves so much because she knew I was meant to be her Mommy is unbelievable. Seeing her look at her from across the room when I was putting a headband on her head and knowing she was hurting broke my heart. That moment is forever engraved in my mind. I never want to forget these moments because I want Ashlyn to know she loves her so much. She wanted her more than she will ever understand but made the biggest sacrifice she will ever have made. Then I watched my husband hold Ashlyn and there was nothing like it. He bonded with her instantly. Nothing was different from his bond with Ace and Everly after their births. It was incredible. I didn't know if it would be the same for him but it was.

If you want to read a more detailed post about Ashlyn's birth story you can HERE. Stay tuned for the rest of our time in California. facebook ♥ instagram ♥ twitter ♥ pinterest ♥ bloglovin

May 29, 2016 No comments

Pages

Perfectly Imperfect Mom

About me

Follow Us

recent posts

Blog Archive

Pinterest